


Unforseen

by AnnyRhale



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29431053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnyRhale/pseuds/AnnyRhale
Summary: In a world filled with Terror, two heros find hope and redemption in the eyes of their future. A love that is Unforseen. Eren x Historia. following the path of the manga so spoilers warning for anime watchers.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss & Eren Yeager, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Eren Yeager
Comments: 40
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

Queen of the walls. That's what they call me, that is my title but is that truly who I am? Sometimes I don't even know who the true me is. 

The sun is setting over the horizon as I sit on the porch watching the children play. I'm happiest when I am here with them. To be able to give them the childhood that I never had. The love that I never experienced. A home for them to feel safe in. To be able to do that has made the value of my existence enough. 

I never saw myself as a person of much worth, at least not until that fateful night in the cave. The night when I was finally able to accept my fate and embrace it.

That night was the night I truly became the person I was meant to be. That was the night I became Historia.

And Historia is a strong minded woman. She knows what she is worth. And a large part of that is because of Him. 

Not wanting to get caught up in the memories of the past, look towards the future. My future consists of these children I see before me. So happy, so safe and so loved. 

The sky starts to darken as the sun slowly disappears behind the hills. Using this as a sign that it's time to get the children inside and ready for bed, I motion for the volunteers to help me as we begin to usher them inside.

After taking a headcount of all of them, I notice that one little head is not anywhere to be found. Leaving the responsibility of the other kids to the volunteers, I make my way around the farm looking for her. 

This little one does have a tendency to hide out while the other children play. She is a sweet girl but very reserved. She is fearful of most people and usually, I am the one one she lets near her. 

I call for her but it's to no avail. Part of me is becoming worried now. It's getting much darker now. I call for her again and to my relief I finally see a little body running towards me.

"Lily, where have you been? I was worried about you." I say as she comes up to me. 

"Shhhhh. It's a secret. Here." She says, looking behind her.

"He told me to give this to you." She whispers. She takes something out of her pocket and hands it to me. The white note is folded haphazardly, half crumpled from where Lily was holding it. 

"What is this? Where did you get this from?" I ask as I take it from her hands. 

"I… I can't tell you." Her answer is accompanied by a cute blush that falls onto her face. 

"What do you mean? Honey are you okay? Did someone hurt you." I feel fearful as I think about all the things that could have happened to her. A lot of the time, it's the people who are really the monsters.

"No im okay Historia ma'am, I can't tell you who it is from. I'm not supposed to say. He made me promise." Not wasting anymore time I open the note to read the contents.

'Meet me at dusk, our usual spot. Do not let anyone know I am here, it's dangerous - EOH'

'Eren?' The EOH is our code. It's actually something silly we came up with after the incident at the cave but I'm glad because at a time like this, it is the only way for me to know that I am not walking into a trap. 

Quickly tearing up the note, I discard it and make my way to Lily. "Come on it's time to get you to bed." I pick her up and at 6 years old she is still light as a feather.

"But… My new friend." I feel bad for her. This is the first "friend" she made since I found her and it had to be the most dangerous person on his island right now. 

"You know you have to keep it a secret right? You can't tell anybody else about your friend or else he might get hurt." I say as I walk towards the orphanage, trying to ensure that she won't mention Eren being here to anyone else.

"I know I made a promise." She says quietly.

"Good. So how about this. Tomorrow you can do a drawing for him and I will give it to him. He would really like that." I say trying to bring her mood back up.

"Okay!!!" Excitement fills her, as she gives me the biggest smile and my heart just melts.

"Good but now it's bed time. Get in." I say as I pull back the covers of her bed. The other children are already settled in. I give them all a quiet goodnight before turning off the lights. 

I waste no time getting to my bedroom. Grabbing a shawl and my knife holder I make my way back out of the room. 

While the note had our code in it, I can't take the chance that the person who wrote it might not actually be Eren. 

I strap the knife around my thigh and luckily the slit in my skirt gives me easy access to it in case I need to defend myself. 

Night has completely fallen as I make my way towards the barn. Going around the side, I come to the fence bordering the property. It's a very secluded area that can only be seen when in close proximity.

I wait, knowing he will show himself once he is certain it is all clear. This is not the first time Eren has come to see me here. Many times before, he has made surprise visits, mostly to check in on me, making sure I am safe.

Sometimes he comes to give me updates on what the military is planning and other times he comes to see if we can trigger any more memories by "holding hands" as Jean calls it.

If I'm being honest, over these past 3 and half years Eren has truly become my best friend and greatest confidante. 

It doesn't take long for me to hear the sound of grass crunching behind me. 

On instinct my hand falls to the slit in my skirt, gripping the knife against my thigh. 

Spinning around, I see him. His face matured since the last time we saw each other. His height increased tenfold as he towers over me. He has truly become a man in the year we have not seen each other. 

The last meeting we had was almost 11 months ago and in that time a darkness has creeped into his eyes. They are hard and determined. The way he is looking at me now is almost intimidating.

"It's good to see you are actually taking precautions." He says, but there is no amusement in his voice. In fact his tone is somewhat condescending.

His eyes are focused on the exposed skin of my upper thigh and the back band wrapped around it housing my weapon.

"Of course, would you like me to show you a neat new trick i learned from the captain a few months ago?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I'd rather not" his voice dismissing any type of playful atmosphere that might have developed.

"What are you doing here Eren?" 

"I needed to speak to you." He says as he steps closer to me.

"Okay… do you want to come inside? It's late now so there is a low chance that anybody will see you." I ask.

"No it's better if we speak out here. It's not safe for you to be seen with me right now and I cannot stay long today regardless" His voice is firm as a million emotions swim in his eyes at this moment. The most prominent one being fear.

"Eren….what's going on?" I say taken aback by his tone.

"The MP's are planning on feeding Zeke to you as soon as possible when he arrives here on the island" he says and my heart stops.

"What?" 

"Yes they have made up their minds. You have two options Historia, you can either run as far as you can or you can oppose them." He says it as though it is so simple. As though he did not just turn my entire world upside down.

"Are you sure?" I know it is a silly question. Eren would not be here if he was not certain. He has always been the first to think about my safety and protection. 

"They have made up their minds. As soon as Zeke reaches the island they will try to capture him. The best plan of action might be for you to go into hiding Historia. At least until I know it is safe for you to return." He might have seemed disconnected before but his words tell me all the emotions that his face does not show. 

"You know I wasn't put here to just take care of the cattle. I don't have to Run or Hide, I could do as they say. Maybe that might be the best chance our people will have" I say, feeling defeated. I always knew in the back of my mind that this day would eventually come.

"Historia." His voice is chastising as he says my name.

"Eren you and I know that I might not have any other choice. You need a royal blooded titan in order for Zeke's plan to work, whatever that plan may be. The fact is, you are running out of time. How much longer does Zeke have? 10 months? 11?" 

"If I have to become a titan for you… if this is the most effective way for this island to live through this, then I will follow you Eren. There may be no other way." I say to him. I can tell he is fearful and he is very angry. It's difficult to have so much power, yet no control. 

"You know, when you showed gratitude to me years ago, I was moved. That was when our friendship really started. I respect you a lot Eren and I Trust you more than I trust anyone else in this world. You are my friend, and I am your Ally. You have protected me for years. If this is what I need to do to support you then I will do it." And I mean it, 

Not just Eren but all my friends in the scouts are precious to me. Every single one of them holds a place in my heart and I will sacrifice everything if that means they would be free of this terror.

"Historia, Even if you are fine with this...I am not. I can never accept you sacrificing your life. Not for anyone." The anger in his voice is directed at me. As though my words have made him furious. 

"What?"

"I've said it before and I will not change my mind, no matter what, I will never let you bear this curse too." He said. He is determined, leaving no room to debate with him.

"Eren."

"You said you will always support me. Did you really mean that Historia?"

"Yes." I said without a doubt.

"Zeke plan is the Euthanasia of all subjects of Ymir." His words shock me to the core. It's almost too horrible to even contemplate.

"What? No he can't."

"He plans to ensure that our people can never reproduce again, that way our people can die out and there will never be titans again in this world." He says, explaining the plan to me in further detail. 

"We can't let him do that. That is not protecting our people, he will be stealing their future." I say almost frantically.

"I know, which is why I am going to stop him." Eren states, as he clenches his jaw while speaking the words. 

"How?" 

"I am going to destroy the world. All of our enemies outside paradis, I will make sure that they will never be a threat to us again." Of all the things I thought he might say this, this is one that is terrible to even fathom. 

"Eren you don't mean…"

"Yes Historia. I am going to release the titan trapped in the walls, every last one of them and I won't stop until all our enemies are dead." I am stunned. The image is unfathomable. All the pain and destruction that the world will face. He can't really want that. Not the Eren I know. 

"But that is wrong. Eren you can't" i cry out, mortified at the very thought. 

"There are people outside the island who are completely innocent. Eren, some of them are just like your mother, they are innocent just like she was, they will be completely unaware of their fate or the reason they will be dying for. You can't do this Eren" I am pleading with him but I see the sternness in his eyes, this darkness that I have never seen before. 

He has changed so much, not just physically. Every bit of that boyish hope he had in the past has left him. What's left behind is a man who is terrifying. 

"I am well aware." His voice is dead, no emotion, no remorse for what he is thinking about doing.

"The only way to completely end the ongoing hatred is to eradicate the hatred outside the island for good. It is the only way to keep you safe."

"What?" Keep me safe? 

"Historia, for you to bear children and become a sacrifice? The cycle of letting children eat royals, I won't let that happen to you at all costs." He is staring into my eyes and for the first time tonight I finally see that caring boy he used to be. Eren is still in there. 

"Eren" I say his name is despair as the tears fall from my eyes "if you do this, we will live with the guilt for the rest of our lives." 

"Historia if you can't live with it I can take the memories away. I can do that for you. If this is what you need I can do that for you." 

"Why did you tell me this Eren? I know that you didn't tell Armin and Mikasa, you would not be here now if you did, so why did you tell me!? Why did you put this burden on me?" I cry out at him, not caring if anyone hears us at this point. 

I let out a sob at the pain in my heart. The pain of knowing the monster I've already decided to become. 

"Because you are the only person who truly understands me. You don't have any illusion about who I am. Or the type of person you think I should be, Not anymore. You see right through me don't you Historia?" He doesn't even look at me as he says it. 

He just looks out into the sky, moving to lean against the fence, almost as though he has no empathy at all. This is the person that he has become. One that has had so much grief in his life. Has been betrayed so many times by the people he cared about. A person who has given up hope for peace. A person who doesn't care anymore. Those closest to him might not want to see it but I do...

"YES," the tears slip my eyes.

"And yet you still stand by my side. I told you because I trust you too. I told you because I trust that you are the only person that will support me even in my darkest moment. You won't stop me will you. No, you will walk alongside me. Because Historia you and I are the same, we will protect OUR people no matter the cost. We are the enemies of humanity" he only turns his head slightly to look at me but I know he can see right through me. Right down to my soul.

"So tell me, what are you going to do?" He asks, waiting for my decision. 

"No… I won't let you take my memories… because if you are going to do this Eren, I will be the one to share this burden on your heart. You are right, I will stand by you. If this is your sin, I won't let you do it alone." I reach for him but pull my hand back at the last moment.

Eren doesn't share my affliction as he stretches his hand out and takes my palm into his own. "I hope one day you will forgive me for forcing this sin on you Historia. I never wanted this for you. You are precious to me. YOU SAVED ME In more ways than one. I was saved by the worst girl in the world."

The tears flow freely now as my heart hurts. Because it is True I am the worst girl in the world and part of that is because of him. For him I will do whatever it takes even if I'm damming my soul to achieve it.

"You've changed so much Eren" 

"Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. Where did it even start?.... I suppose it doesn't matter now…Everything that has happened since the day they took my mother has led me to this point. It is the only way." 

" I know what I need to do now. It is the only way to protect our people. The only way to protect the people I love." He says and I know that he means it. All the sins he will commit, he will be doing it for our people for our friends. 

"If this is truly the only way then I will stand by your side." I've made up my mind. 

"It is the only way. I'll protect you Historia, no matter the cost." He squeezes the hand that is still captured in his. 

"Eren..."

"What are you going to do about Zeke?" I ask as his plan still does not get rid of the current threat I face from the MPs 

"It still doesn't change the fact that you are running out of time with the MP. If they decided that they want me to take his place, then how are we going to stop them?" I ask, laying my thoughts to him. 

"We don't have to stop them, we just have to find a way to stall them. 7 months, that is all the time I need. We just have to keep them at bay for 7 months." He says as he turns to face me again. His eyes are shining with fear.

"What if… what if I bear a child?" The words come out before I can stop them.

"What?" For the first time tonight I finally saw something different in his eyes as the shock of my words hit him.

"If I become pregnant, they wouldn't dare to force me to become a Titan. Eren that would give you 9 months. 9 months to do what you need to do." I say as the wheels start turning in my head.

"I can't ask you to do that Historia. I've already taken too much from you, I can't ask you to do this for me too." There is a hint of despair in his voice. As though HE is hurting for ME.

"This might be the only way to give you the time you need. You don't have to ask Eren, I will have a baby for you." 

My words are final. This is the only way to save our people.


	2. Chapter 2

He isn't happy about my Idea. That is easy to see from the look in his eyes as he stares at me. My baby should be conceived out of love and passion, not out of duty. That is what his eyes are telling me, but that is not how reality works.

"Do you even know what you will be sacrificing Historia?" He asks me. He really is not happy about my decision at all.

"Yes, I can't think of any other way. And I refuse to run and hide. The kids that I protect here need me. I cannot abandon them and hide away in fear." I say 

"Tell me Eren, Do you have any other solutions!? No you don't. You don't have the time to figure something else out because you are running out of time. This is the only way." My words strike him. 

He is silent. He knows I am right. I know Eren has developed a strong protectiveness over me. He has always stood up for me and he doesn't want me to face the same circumstances as him. Eren cares about me, but even he knows that he cannot save me from this fate. It truly is the only way.

"Look, you don't have to make any choices right now. I know you, HIstoria, better than you might think. Just wait for a little before you decide. Meet me tomorrow, we can talk this through then. It will give you time to think this over. And me, time to think of another way." He says the last part almost to himself. 

"Eren…"

"Just promise me you won't do anything until we talk this through properly." He says. I'm confused about what he means at first but then the implications of his words dawns on me. 

"Of course not." A deep red brushes my cheeks "I don't even… I mean there is nobody to…" I too embarrassed to even completely my sentence 

"I just want you to think about this properly. What it will mean. What you will have to do." He says as he looks at me. The redness intensified as my imagination ran wild.

"I already know. I understand what it means." I say getting irritated. I'm not as ignorant as he might think.

"Look it's getting late, let talk about this tomorrow." He says. He is irritated with me too, but his face holds a disconnected expression.

"Fine, where are you staying tonight?" I ask 

"Don't worry about me, I'll make camp somewhere close by." His words are dismissive. 

"There is a cabin about 10 miles north from here, it's empty and is far away from the road side so you won't be disturbed there. You will stay there tonight and I will meet you there at midday tomorrow." I say it as an order, leaving no room to refuse.

"Thank you." He says finally.

He knows which cabin I'm talking about, it's actually one that was owned by my family previously, it has been abandoned for years now but it is still in good condition. We have come across it in the past and I remember pointing it out to him once. It has a good vantage point and it will be easy for him to escape into the tree if he needs to. 

"Good night Eren." I say as he makes his way back into the woods where I'm sure he has a horse waiting.

****

It's been hours since Eren has left me, but still, sleep eludes me. In my seclusion all my fears and doubts overwhelmed me, as the tears started to fall from my eyes. 

I can't stop the first sob, nor the second or the third. I feel like I cannot breath, the agony in my heart feels almost physical as I clench at my chest.

Now that I am away from Eren's all seeing eyes, I truly let myself feel the loss of all that I will be sacrificing and the pain is immeasurable.

I cry uncontrollably until sleep finally takes me. But even my dreams are not peaceful tonight.

The next morning doesn't not bring any peace to my mind. Even as I helped the children with their breakfast or as I now sit here on the porch watching them play, my heart is still torn. 

I wanted a different future. I wanted to be married. To give myself to my husband on my wedding night. The thought that I will most definitely follow the same path as my own mother now leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. 

The weight of what I am actually sacrificing is Weighing heavy on my heart. How will I go through with it? Who will I even do it with? Who would be willing to share this burden with me? And if I choose someone, will I even be able to physically go through it?

I already know who I want to do this with, but it feels wrong to ask him. I can't do it, not when I know how much she loves him. 

But still, Eren is the only person I can see myself being intimate with without it feeling like I'm being forced. Will we ever be able to go back to what we were before, after it is done?

I have always seen Eren as a dear friend. We got closer after I lost Ymir. Eren was the person that made me whole again when I felt like my word was falling apart. It was him that filled the space she left open in my heart. if i'm being honest with myself, had things been different, maybe I could have fell for him. I could have fallen for him very easily, but I never let myself consider that an option. 

When I did feel any feeling budding for him, I cut it down immediately and put it away. I could never afford to let it even be an option and Mikasa was only one of the reasons why.

If I ask Eren to share this burden with me, I'm terrified it will ruin the friendship we have built all these years and no matter what I cannot afford to lose him, I won't.

My pondering is broken by a little voice calling my name. Looking at the little face staring at me, I smile in fondness. 

"Hi Lily." I say as I pick her up and place her on my lap. 

"Hi Historia ma'am" she giggles.

"I made a drawing for my friend." She says as she hands me the parchment. It is a simple picture fitting for a six year old. There are 3 people in it and some flowers and a lot of hearts.

"This is beautiful Lily. He will love it." I still find it odd how she formed this attachment to Eren when I doubt she spent even five minutes with him after he gave her the note, but she has. She sees him as her friend when she doesn't even know his name. 

"Do you like it? You are in the picture too. This one is you, this is me and this is my friend." She says and I smile.

"I love it. Okay why don't you go and play now, or maybe you can draw some more." I say and usher her to do as I say. She easily complies and she runs back inside to do more drawings. 

I take this as my opportunity to leave now. I give an excuse to the other staff at the orphanage, which they do not question. I do tend to go off on my own quiet often and they know better than to question their queen. Sometimes I forget that that is who I truly am. 

I can't help but think about my future child as I make the one hour ride to the cabin. This child will not come into the world the way I want it to, but the circumstances of my child's birth will not change the fact that I will love this child the way a mother should. The way I was never loved. This baby might be conceived out of duty but that does not mean it will not be wanted. I will raise this child with so much love and happiness. 

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. I haven't even thought about the dynamics of actually making a baby yet I am already planning its future. 

Bringing my thoughts back to the matter at hand a deep fear sets into my being. Having a child will mean I need to submit myself completely to a man. It will be the most vulnerable moment of my life and honestly I still don't know if I will truly be able to do it yet. Even though I've contemplated it all night and all morning, It's terrifying for me to even think about. 

I am not completely oblivious to the act of sex but I do not have any experience in the matter personally. I never even thought about it being subjected to it so soon. Being an illegitimate child, I never wanted to take the same path my mother did. But fate has a way of being cruel.

The ride is quick as my horse speeds through the forest and soon I am able to see the Cabin on the horizon.

Eren doesn't come out to meet me at the door, but I didn't expect him to. Getting off my horse and making sure he is secure near a small spring, I make my way towards the door.

"Eren?" I call out for him as I enter. 

The house is silent and I start to wonder if he even stayed here in the first place. "Hey," I jumped, startled at the voice whispering close to me. 

"You scared me." I say, scolding him. 

"I'm sorry." He doesn't say more than that as he looks at me. His words feel heavy. I know he is apologizing for more than just scaring me just now.

"Were you okay here last night?" I ask, trying to change the topic.

"Yes thank you for allowing me to stay here." Eren says.

"You are welcome to stay for as long as you need to." I say to him. 

Even though we are talking about trivial things we can both feel the pressure in the room.

"Have you given it ample thought?" Eren asks, getting straight to the point. He doesn't see the value in beating around the bush and is very direct when he is around me. If he is feeling a certain way, he will say it without a thought.

"I have and I stand by my decision still. Unless you have thought of a different way to stall the MPs plan?" I make my way into the dining room and take a seat at the table. 

"No" Eren says as he sits down opposite me. 

"There really is no other choice Eren. This is what needs to happen if you want things to go your way." 

He knows I am right and while he is still not happy about it he knows it is better than the alternative. I still cannot fathom the millions of lives that will be lost because of him but I will do as he requests and I will support him. I know I cannot change his mind. The future is already set. He and I are the same. We truly are the worst people in the world but that is who we need to be in order to survive. Eren understands this and so do I. 

In a world like ours we only have two options. We either fight or we die. And as the Queen of Paradis I will always put MY people first. I will ensure the safety of my own before anyone else no matter how selfish that may be, because that is how we will survive.

Eren is somber but he finally accepts that this is the way for us to move forward. This is how we will give him the time he needs to carry out his plans.

"Is there anyone you have that is special to you? Who you can…" he stops short, not wanting to finish the question. 

"No." 

He is not happy about the situation, but he is finally accepting it. But I can tell that he is worried. He is worried about how I will be able to go through the process when I truly don't want to be physical with anyone. 

I already made up my mind on who I want it to be with and it is one of the most selfish decisions I will make. I spent the whole morning telling myself that it is not an option, that I will not ask him, yet here I am. If he agrees, I will be taking something that doesn't belong to me and I will be betraying one of my closest friends, yet I will do it anyway.

"Anyone you are close- " he starts but I cut him off.

"Eren… will you.. will you do it?" I whisper to him, my voice filled with my insecurities.

"What?" He is completely stupefied by my request. Looking at him now. The shock in his eyes, I don't think the thought even crossed his mind. It leaves me unsure.

"Is it really so surprising? There isn't anyone else I can trust. No one else I could feel comfortable with." I say 

"Historia… I can't... be a father-" his voice is disappointed and I have to hold my tears back. He is going to say no. 

"Please Eren. There is no one else and it will only be the one time if things go according to plan. I can't do it with anyone else, I will not be able to go through with it" I plead 

He doesn't say anything and my eyes get glassy at the thought of forcing myself to be with someone else. 

He is still silent but he is staring at me now. He is contemplating it. And he must see something when he looks at me because his voice softens.

"Are you sure this is what you want? To do this with me?" He is concerned and I feel bad for putting him in the situation but I truly don't think I will be able to go through with it if it is anyone else.

"Yes I'm sure, and you don't have to worry about it after we spend the night together. I'm not delusional to think that this will mean something more Eren. And I won't hold you to any commitment to me after it is done. You will have no responsibility to the child once it is born, I will take care of it. I know what this will be. I promise, please. There is no one else I can do this with without feeling like I am being forced upon."

I say letting him know my biggest vulnerability. That is how I might remember my first time as. Even though it will be done on my terms, I can't trust that anyone else will stop if I change my mind and say no. 

My words shock him and it finally dawns on him the true meaning of my request. He reaches forward and grabs my hand "Okay I will do it."

"Thank you." I say as a tear escapes my eye.

"So how do we do this?" He asks straight to the point again.

"Well… you know. We have to have physical conta-" why is this so embarrassing 

"That's not what I meant. I know how to make a baby. I mean after you are pregnant what are we going to do? You can't let anyone know that I'm the father, at least not until I return. If they find out then they will know that I am your informer and then neither you or the baby will be safe. And I'll be put under scrutiny. I can't have that." He says. 

"Well... there is someone we can say is the father if things do get out of hand." I say thinking about the person. 

"Who is he? What is he to you?" His voice holds something I can't recognize as its harshness reaches my ears. 

"He works on the farm. He used to bully me when I was younger-" he cuts me off before I can say more.

"No, it needs to be someone we can trust. Someone I can trust your safety too even if he doesn't know the truth." Eren says. His eyes are boring into mine. 

"We were children then. He is a good person now. He works at the orphanage. He will do it because he cares about me." Erens jaw clenches at my words. He doesn't like the idea.

"And how exactly will you convince him to play dad to MY child?" His words throw me for a loop. Erens behavior is confusing to me, especially since a few hours ago he was against the idea of fathering my baby.

"I can't make him believe that he is the father, that would be too cruel. So I will just ask him for his help. I will tell him the partial truth. That the father of my child is no longer with us and ask for his help." I say simply and I know it will work. 

"And what if he wants more one night? You will be in a vulnerable position. How can I just let you be-" 

"Eren stop. This is our only option. You are adamant about not letting anyone else in on your plan. He is all we have. But you don't have to worry, he won't hurt me, he is in love with me." Eren is silent but I can feel the anger radiating of him. 

"If I asked him to, he would stay by my side and will not question anything. He is the safest option and if things do go sideways and he is not who he seems to be, I am more than capable of defending myself against him. He doesn't have the training I do. And I meant it when I said the captain has taught me some new tricks. I can take care of myself." I continue.

"So that is your decision then?" He sighs and I nod in agreement.

"Fine. I still don't like it. But I will trust your judgment because you are right, we don't have another option right now." He has finally given in.

"So when do you want to do this?" Eren asks me, getting straight to the nitty gritty.

"We can't now... i'm on my cycle... but in a week I will be… um ovulating." A deep blush covers my cheeks as I say it. 

"Your cycle will be over by then?" He asks unbothered.

"Y..Yes" 

"Okay, one week from now then" He is not embarrassed or uncomfortable about me mentioning the female biology like I had expected. I don't know why I am so embarrassed about the motions of my body, when in a weeks time I will be sharing this body with Eren. 

Eren leaves tonight, probably to go and meet back up with our friends. The guilt eats at me. Mikasa has always treated me well, no matter our differences she has always shown me respect. Even when I was just Krista, yet today I have betrayed her and soon I will force Eren to Betray her. 

She can never know. It will break her heart. She might not be able to admit it to him but I know she loves him. And maybe he could love her too. I don't know. He has never spoken to me about his true feelings for her but I know that he cares about her immensely, more than he cares about me.

Their bond is something that I will never be able to take aways from them. A familial love that can never be broken. 

Eren has mentioned before that he saw Mikasa like a big sister or a mother figure but given the time could something more develop between them? Will I be taking that chance away from them? The chance for them to be happy together. 

For this reason I will not hold Eren responsible for this child. It will be mine and he will be free to be with whoever he wants. Once I conceive a child, we will not need to do it again and his duty to me will be fulfilled. 

That will be for the Best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 
> 
> So does anyone else think that Eren went along with Zekes Wine plan because it would benefit Historia? The MPs were her biggest threats and by keeping quite about the wine, Eren removed that threat and kept her safe without having to do anything himself. Everything he has done thus far has coincidently kept her safer. Every one else in the manga has had their lives at risk because of his actions EXCEPT for Historia.


	3. Chapter 3

The devastation he plans to unleash in the world is unspeakable. He knows this, yet he will do it anyway. 'Fight'. It is the only way. In the world of titans, you either fight or you die. 

This is the price of freedom, a heavy price that he is willing to pay in blood. He knows his time is running out. He only has four years left, Zeke has even less. He has to make his move soon. 

His friends will hate him when all is said and done, they will not understand but he doesn't need them to. He needs them to live. Even if they spend the remainder of their existence despising his actions, he can accept that, as long as they live long happy lives. 

He has to do this, and it starts with Liberio, his actions will bring death and destruction, he has already seen it, yet it will also bring hope. It will be the catalyst to gather all his enemies in one spot. All that aim to eradicate his people from the world will be there, waiting for him. And the main key to his plan lays there as well, the Warhammer Titan. 

He will achieve his goal, he has already seen it, but the journey to get that freedom will be scattered with the bodies of his enemies and innocents alike. 'Fight'. it is the only way. He cannot bear to lose anyone else. He is doing this for them. 

His heart is hardened now. Very few emotions are able to get through this mask he has been wearing since that day. The day he kissed her hand and saw his fate through the path. Everyday he finds himself drifting further and further away from the boy he used to be. That boy is gone and the man has been born. He will do what needs to be done. 

His loved ones will not see the bigger picture, not yet. The Death of the world is not the end game. They will not understand why he will have to go through this darkness before he can bring them all into the light. They will never accept this. But one day they will thank him.

But she is different. Historia. She sees him, really sees him. Unlike the others, she doesn't see only what he wants her to see. No she Sees past the mask into the soul of a man who has always been broken. She doesn't shy away from his monsters, she doesn't try to push them away or protect him from them. Historia embraces him as he is. She and Eren are one in the same in this matter. The Enemies of humanity. 

Enemies of the world but Allies to each other. He thought he could die without regrets once this is all said and done. But now he doesn't know how to feel. He has been so single minded this entire time, nothing else had mattered other than getting stronger and protecting his friends. 

That had been his mindset for years now. Physical relationships had never been a priority for him. While the thought had crossed his mind a few times over the years, he has never acted on those carnal desires, he didn't have the need or the time for that.

But things have changed now. Now there was a need and when It is over, he will have more to lose than he ever had before. A Child. His Child. 

"We have gathered many warriors for your crusade. All of them are ready to lay their life down for you Eren. For our freedom." Flochs voice breaks through the room, distracting Eren from what will be occurring later that afternoon. 

It has already been two weeks since he had last seen her, since he had put this burden on her shoulders as well.

He looks at floch and something like guilt starts to bubble up within him. Even floch has been burdened with Erens actions and even if he wanted to, he will not be able to back out.

They are alone right now, war strategies scattered the room as they plan out their attack on Marley. Floch is dedicated to his cause. Freedom is within their sights.

Floch is an unlikely allie given their past, but it is because of that past that Eren trusted him enough to confide in him. Unlike Mikasa and Himself, Floche didn't let his personal feelings cloud his judgment that day. Eren will never regret choosing to fight for Armin then, but it was Floche's actions that made Eren realize that he was being selfish. 

Floch wants his people to survive more than anything else. He wants revenge for the loved ones he lost and he will do whatever it takes to make sure Paradis ends up on top, no matter how corrupt his actions are. In a sense, he was easy to manipulate in that way.

Eren gets up when the brief meeting is over and makes his way over to retrieve his gear. He cannot leave too late as Historia will be waiting for him. He doesn't want to leave her alone in the cabin for too long, especially at a time like this.

"You're leaving?" 

"Yes" Eren doesn't bother to look up as he straps the harness of his ODM gear over the clothes that he had chosen to wear today. Odds are that he will not even need it, but in the event that he does come across some trouble, he needs an exit plan that doesn't involve him shifting into his Titan form as that will draw too much attention to his presence.

"Where are you going?" Floch is confused, he knows Eren doesn't usually go out into the night unless it is corps related. 

While Eren trusts Floch to carry out his work, he cannot trust him with her. Historia will always be the exception and her safety will always be his main priority. He will not take the risk of Floche finding out about Historia even though he has proven to be loyal in these past months. He has to protect her.

"You should leave, I will not be returning tonight."

His words leave no room for negotiation and Floch notices it immediately. He bite his tongue and lets Eren leave. He does have his suspensions but he would dare to voice them. 

In the end Floch leaves as well, leaving behind a note for Eren even though he knows Eren will not bother reading it when he returns tomorrow.

*** 

He didn't realize it before, but as he stands in front of the windows, trying to catch a glimpse of her, he realizes that he is actually nervous about all of this.

He is still unsure if this is the right thing to do. Part of him feels like he is taking advantage of Historia, taking advantage of the trust she puts in him. 

When all this is over, he will be gone and she will be left alone to raise their child. His child that will never know him. He wonders how he will be remembered. Will his child grow to hate him too? Would Historia let that happen? He doesn't think she would. 

"What are you doing waiting out there?" She is dressed casually, standing in the now open doorway looking expectedly at him. 

"Just…thinking."

"You haven't changed your mind have you?" He can hear the fear in her voice.

"No, I haven't." The relief on her face at his words are clearly noticeable, yet looking closely at her he can see the nervousness in her eyes. 

"Are you going to let me through the door then?" 

A redness tints her cheeks as she scatters away from the door. "Right! Sorry… Um come in." She laughs nervously as he passes through the threshold and walks into the cabin. 

This is it, there is no going back now. 

****  


Historia can feel the awkwardness in the air the moment he steps into the cabin. How do they proceed from here? Do they just go upstairs and do it? Do they talk first and just let things happen? 

She is terrified. Nerves swim in her eyes and she knows he sees it too. She casts her eyes downward unsure. If her tutors at the palace saw her demeanor now, they would admonish her terribly. "A queen bows to no one"

"You don't have to be fearful Historia, we will do this at a pace you are comfortable with." Eren says addressing the Elephant in the room. 

"I'm not scared." She knows he sees right through her lies. She just doesn't want to seem as though she is some scared little girl. She wants to be mature about this. She wants Eren to see her as a strong confident woman, even if she doesn't feel that way as of yet.

"It's okay, even I am nervous. it's normal." He admits and she looks at him in surprise. 

"You are?" 

"Yeah" he gives her a small smile, looking a bit like the boy he once was. 

"Maybe we should go upstairs?" She suggests, deciding to take the initiative. 

"If that is what you want." Eren is looking at her expectantly. She braces herself and leads the way, walking towards the stairs. 

She doesn't look behind her to see if he is following her. She knows he is. She can feel him behind her. And it sends a shiver down her spine. 

Opening the door to the bedroom, she pauses and looks behind her. Eren doesn't give her a reassuring or encouraging look like she expected, no he just stares at her, waiting. Stealing her nerves she walks inside and he follows behind her. 

Nervous, she turns to face him, waiting. She half expects him to just go for it. To throw her on the bed and just take her and have it done with but he doesn't do that.

On the contrary, he is looking at her with a very tender look. It is as though he can see right through her.

"Historia", his voice is gentle now. 

"Yes" her voice is only but a whisper.

"You need to relax. You are shaking." He says calmly as he raises his hand to touch her shoulder. She flinches slightly since she was not expecting the contact but he doesn’t remove his hand. No he instead he moves it from her shoulder and drags it down her arm, slowly sending more shivers through her body. 

He stops when his palm reaches hers and he interlaces their fingers. "There is no rush. I want you to feel comfortable." 

At those words Eren leads her, hand in hand to the bed. He doesn't get under the covers. Instead he urges her to lay down on the bed and he also gets on it next to her but keeps a respectful distance between them. 

They are facing each other and Eren is now running his hand up and down her arm in a comforting motion.

"Eren?" 

"Lets just talk for awhile."

"You want to talk?"

"Yeah, tell me about the kids" She doesn't really understand why he wants to talk about the children at her orphanage at a time like this but… she needs a distraction or else she really might have a mental breakdown.

And so she starts to talk. She tells him about all the progress she has made with them thus far. They are really the sweetest children. All she cares about is keeping them safe, making sure they have a warm bed, warm clothes and a hot plate of food to eat everyday. They have all lost so much because the people on the other side of the sea have declared them demons. 

These children don't have a harsh bone in their bodies, they are innocent and they didn't deserve all the suffering they got. 

She had opened many more orphanages all over the kingdom. She wants to make sure no child is left behind or overlooked. That Is her purpose as Queen. She will always put the safety of her people first, above all politics, she is a peoples queen. 

She goes on to tell him about Lily. The little girl that had developed the biggest crush on Eren.

"She actually drew you something, wait i have it here, i'll just go and get-" 

"Historia" she stops at her name, halting her motion to get up. 

"Yes?" She asks, she is feeling much more relaxed now. It's almost as if they were back at the Barracks they stayed at when they were still only scouts, when their main mission was to only kill titans. A time when they would all stay up late at night, just talking like they were now. It makes her feel warm to think about. Although she was forced into the survey corps, her time spent with all of them there was the happiest she had ever been. 

"Can I kiss you?" His request shocks her. For a moment she almost forgot what they were even doing here.

"A kiss?" Her nerves start to build again but she is no longer afraid about what is to come. She has calmed her heart and is more comfortable now. "Okay" it's barely a whisper 

At her approval Eren slowly moves his head closer to hers. He is looking at her, looking for any signs of discomfort but doesn't find it. 

After what seems like an eternity, he closes the gap between them and presses his lips gently against her own. Her first kiss. 

She is frozen on the spot, not daring to make a move. She doesn't really know what to do. He senses her reaction and brings a hand to gently cradle her cheek. "It's okay Historia, just relax."

With that he brings his lips to hers again, moving them gently, almost experimentally. She wonders if this is his first kiss as well. 

Deciding to try as well, she starts to move her lips along with his, capturing his between hers. She must have shocked him because he instantly pulls back to look at her. 

"I'm sorry, was that wrong?" She asks, feeling insecure. All of this is new to her. "No, you just surprised me."

Nodding she moves her lips closer to his again and pulls him into another kiss. The kisses are close mouth and still very innocent, as though they are just testing the waters. 

It's not something that is passionate in the least, it's very clinical and that is mostly due to the fact that in the back of both their minds, the real reason they are doing this still prevails. But nevertheless the Kissing is nice, it feels good so far. 

Eren takes the initiative and pushes her onto her back and leans over her, their lips still locked in the kiss. He pulls back to look at her and a look of confusion passes across his face. 

"Are you okay?" 

He doesn't reply, he just bends down and kisses her again. This time is different, this time he drags his teeth along her bottom lip making her gasp in surprise.

Using this opportunity, he let's his tongue enter her mouth, darting it inside to meet her own. What a particular feeling this is, to have him roll his tongue around hers with a certain expertise. It feels good, almost pleasurable. 

The precision in which he kisses her makes her wonder if he really is as inexperienced as she is in these matters.

"Eren?" She says his name in a gasp, trying to get his attention off her lips and to her face. 

"What is it? Is this too much?" He is still very composed, as though the kiss is not having the emotional effect on him as it is on her. Is he really just going through the motions?

"Can I ask you something?" He looks confused as he braces himself above her, letting her get a good look at his face. He is staring intently at her but he nods his head, allowing her to continue. 

"Have you ever done this before?" She asks, voicing her thoughts. He really does seem like her has done this a million times before.

"No" there is no shame when he says it, no embarrassment, almost no emotion at all. Part of her is glad to be proved wrong. She is glad that she will have all his firsts too.

"Me too." 

He gives her a small smile at her admission "I know" he says, making her blush is embarrassment. Was it that obvious? 

It makes sense. He has never had the privilege of thinking about normal human nature like this. Instead he has been burdened with the fate of the world since he was a child. It is the same for her.

Sex has never been a priority for either of them. She has noticed this by watching his behavior around other women. She knows that even though he agreed to her request, he sees this as nothing more than his duty. 

That is how she should be looking at this as well. The time they spend becoming one tonight will be their duty. It is not meant to be something done for pleasure or desire but it's done for them to fulfill their duty to their people.

"Can I ask you something now?" He asks, surprising her.

"Okay" 

"Do you have an inclination towards women? I know that you cared about Ymir very much but is that something you feel for only women?" His words shock her. It is something that nobody has ever dared to bring up with her. Not once has anyone even tried. The fact that her sexual orientation even interests him is shocking enough.

"What?" 

"Do you like only women?"

She has never really thought about it before "honestly, I don't think I ever thought about women in that way at all before. I loved ymir, and I know how she felt about me. She wanted a lot more than friendship from me and had she lived, I don't know if I would have given into her wants or not, but I never had a sexual desire for her the way she did me. I've never really felt that desire for anyone before." She admits 

"Then are you sure you want to do this?" 

"Yes I'm sure, you look worried." 

"I just want you to be positive that this is what you want… with me" Eren says looking very unsure for the first time tonight. 

"Eren, this is my decision, my choice. I choose you because you are the only person I can trust in this way." 

He looks at her with the pensive look, almost as though he is debating with himself in his mind.

"I'm ready" seems like that is all he needed to hear as he sits up on the bed next to her. Giving her one last searching look, he starts to remove his shirt. Slowly peeling it of his skin and up over his head in one move. 

Historia cannot help but admire his defined body lines. She has seen him shirtless before but she has never let herself admire the attractiveness of his body before. The muscle on his arms, his defined abs on his torso and more dangerously that v line that disappears into his pants. 

Slowly he starts to undo his belt and lets fall over the side of the bed, and then he unbutton his pants. He stops at that, keeping that last piece of clothing on. From the open button Historia can see that he has nothing more on under his jeans. Just the thought brings the redness rushing to her cheeks.

He gets closer to her legs and starts to touch the material of her dress. She knows what he wants and just the thought scares her. She is not bare under her dress but the thin petticoat leaves nothing to the imagination. Of course she expected that she would have to expose herself to him but the reality of it is scary nevertheless. 

"Can I take this off?" His breathing gets heavy as his chest rises and falls rapidly. "Okay" she finally whispers. 

Sitting up on the bed, Eren helps her take off her dress. Slowing he moves it upward, exposing the skin of her thighs inch by inch. She raises her arms as he pulls it over her head, letting her dress too to fall to the floor. 

She has never felt more exposed before than she does in his moment. He looks at her body intently as the thin material does nothing to hide the fact that she is completely bare underneath it. 

“I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do. If you are uncomfortable or you want to stop, all you have to do is tell me” 

Historia raises her eyes to his own. “I know.” Eren nods and bends his head back down towards her face. He doesn't kiss her lips this time, instead he moves his lips to her neck.

Erens’s tongue trails over her throat. He stops over her pounding pulse and sucks her skin into his mouth. Historia shivers from the sensation. Every experience is a new one creating unfamiliar sensations.

His body is hot and hard against hers and she finds herself truly enjoying everything he is doing to her. 

He shifts slightly, pressing his erection against her stomach and she freezes. She knows what that is and that it is normal given the situation but she didn't expect to feel it so soon. Feeling him against her makes all of this feel more real. 

His kisses send small electric shocks throughout her body. There is an unfamiliar ache that is starting to build between her legs.

"Do you want to keep this on?" He asks, referring to her petticoat. Maybe it makes her a prude but Historia feels more comfortable with it on. She doesn't have the courage to bare herself completely so she just nods her head.

If Eren is disappointed with her answer, he does not show it. He just continues to leave kisses in neck and face. 

His hand slowly moves from her face down her body and trails over to her hip. She thought he would stop there but he then moved it lower until he reached her inner thigh. 

"What are you doing?" She panicked, she knew the workings of a sexual encounter but she didn't think he would touch her any more than he had too. Part of her though that he would just put it in and they would be done with this.

"We need to make sure you are ready before we actually-." He doesn't finish his sentence, just looks at her like it is so obvious. Truth be told she is not sure exactly what he plans on doing but she has an idea.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes" there is no doubt in her voice when she says it.

"Just relax, I'm going to use my fingers first. It will help ease some of the pain later on." His words make her burn with embarrassment but she doesn't object when he starts to move his fingers up her inner thigh.

He slips his hand under her petticoat moving it upward until he reaches the apex of her thighs, he hesitates for a moment before letting his fingers brush across her most intimate place. 

She lets out a gasp at the sensation, stopping his movements momentarily. "Do you want me to stop?" 

"No" she gasped, biting her lip between her teeth.

He moves again, rubbing his finger along her folds. Part of her feels embarrassed, giving her the urge to pull away from his wandering hand, but instead she opens her legs a bit wider. She feels shameless as she does it but she cannot ignore the need pooling right at her center. 

The area between her legs pulsates with an uncontrollable need. The need to be touched, craving something that she doesn't understand. 

He brushes over a part of her that makes her suck in a deep breath and gasp at the same time. She wants him to touch her there again but he moves past that point until he reaches her opening. 

He is very gentle when he eases the first finger inside. There is a slight tinge of pain but nothing that is unbearably. The intrusion feels odd. But it's not really unpleasant.

He moves finger in a small circular motion inside her making her let out a moan that she cannot hold in.

She opens her eyes at the feeling only to see him staring at her with a look she can't describe. He has been watching her reaction to the way he was touching her. His hooded eyes do actually hold a small level of desire in them. She has seen that look before on other people but never on him.

He starts to move his finger in and out of her, soon adding a second one making her gasp once again. He doesn't take his eyes off hers the entire time and she doesn't shy away from his stare either.

He may not have done this before but his hands hold the experience and sureness of someone with many experiences. He is not some fumbling boy during his first time. This preciseness of what needs to be done comes from memories that are not his own. 

His fingers send spikes of pleasure rushing through her core, he is slipping in and out with ease now and her body is relaxed around his fingers. The pleasure increases and just when she thinks she can't take any more of it, he presses his thumbs against that spot above her opening, rubbing it gently.

She lets out a gasp as her body begins to shudder and her core clences. She is spasming around his fingers, confused about what is actually happening to her. 

Only then does Eren remove his fingers from inside her leaving her red all over.

"What just happened?" 

"You just reached the peak of pleasure." Eren says as he stands up to remove his pants. 

"It felt… good." Historia says as she comes down from her high but looks at him shocked when he completely removes his jeans and turns to her. She cannot help but stare at him in all his glory. She has never seen this part of a man before and gods forgive her she cannot pull her eyes away…

He is hard, standing to full attention but he is not embarrassed by it. In fact he just ignores her staring and moves back onto the bed.

"Are you ready?" He asks as he parts her legs again and gets between them this time. She stays silent but just nods her approval, unable to form the words due to her nervousness at actually seeing how big he is. 

He moves her petticoat over her hips to bunch at her stomach, but in a moment of spontaneity she removes the entire thing throwing it on the floor. This leaves her breasts and her center exposed for his eyes only. He doesn't look away, he just takes it all in. All his attention is on her, making Historia feel very exposed right now as her fear builds.

He moves up so that he has better access to her. Spreading her legs even more, he settles himself completely between them. This is it 

He lines himself up and shifts her legs and hips until he finds the angle he wants, then his tip brushes her entrance and Historia freezes up. 

Eren bends down and places a kiss on her lips. “Historia.” her eyes flick to meet his own. His eyes express his own nervousness.

Historia wraps her arms around Eren, her palms coming to rest on his back as resolve claims his expression.

He shifts his hips again and the pressure increases. She tenses again. Tightening her core on instinct.

“Relax,” Eren whispers, looking into her eyes. 

"Just keep your eyes on me." He says as he looks at her very tenderly, like he knows her fears. His breathing is very heavy, as though he cannot catch his breath. He gives her one more kiss and then he pushes himself inside her slowly. 

Historia tightens her hold on him, pressing her lips together. It hurt. It hurt so much more than she expected it to. He's too big for her tiny body. 

She whimpers out and Eren freezes. "Historia? Am I hurting you?" He asks. He is barely even inside her, yet the pain is very intense. But even though it hurts she doesn't want to stop, so she shakes her head in denial.

"I'm fine, it's not so bad. You can continue" she tries to give him an encouraging smile, but he obviously sees right through it.

"Don't lie to me." He sounds angry as he says it. 

"I'm fine. I promise. I knew it would hurt, we can't avoid that no matter how much we try. I trust you, that's all that matters." She says but he is still hesitating. "The pain won't last long, let's just move past it quickly." Historia says but she really doesn't know how bad it could become.

He is still looking unsure as he starts to push into her again, more gently this time. She bites her lip, holding onto him tightly when the tearing sensation gets too much. He is stretching her more and more with each Inch of him that disappears inside her.

Eren halts his movement again, jaw clenched. Slowly, her muscles loosen around him. Rocking his hips forward, he finally pushes all the way inside her and she gasps, her back coming off the bed. Historia presses her body up against him in a desperate move as the pain hits her tenfold. 

She squeezes her eyes shut, breathing heavily as the pain rips through her. She feels too full, as if she is going to tear apart at the point they are joined. 

Historia buries her face against Eren's throat, trying to hold in a sob. ‘It gets better’, that’s what everyone has told her. They never said it would hurt this bad. 

"We have to stop. This is too much for you." Eren says, his voice hard. She knows he doesn't want to hurt her. His care for her is overruling his duty at this moment. He tries to pull away moving slowly, just an inch, but it hurts too much. “Please don’t move,” Historia gasps.

“Does it hurt that much?” His voice was purely restrained, eyes dark with worry 

“No.” she lied. He looks at her with doubt as he takes in her unmasked expression.

“Tell me what I can do, I don't want to hurt you more than I already have” At this moment his inexperience is showing, yet he is showing her more tenderness than she expected.

“Can you just hold me for a while? I know it's a bit too intimate but I just-" she doesn't finish her sentence, that she just wants his comfort right now.

"Okay" he doesn't question her. He just gently lowers himself onto Historia completely. They are so close right now, not even a sheet of paper would have fit between them. 

Eren shifts one of his arms under her shoulders to press Historia against his chest. It all feels very intimate. Having him cradle her like this, comforting her, all the while still being fully inside her.

They stay like that as Historia buries her head in his neck. At that moment she feels content to just lay there in his arms. His body pressed against hers, her nipples brushing his chest with every breath she takes.

Slowly her body becomes slack under his soft caress as the pain between her legs becomes a dull ache and her core loosens around him. Her body is finally getting used to his size. 

"I think you can move again." Historia says to him in a tiny voice. "It doesn't hurt much anymore."

"Are you sure?" He asks with worry but she nods, wanting him to continue.

Eren starts to move again in a slow and gentle rhythm. He has not let her go, as she is still encased in his arms, protected. She has never felt closer to him than she does at this moment. The intimacy of it scares her.

As he moves the pain starts to build again, Some people have it easy their first time but she is not so lucky. She does not feel any pleasure at this, just a building soreness. At this point she just wants him to hurry and finish.

"Just hold on for a little longer. It will be over soon." Eren says knowing that she really can't take this for much longer. His voice is strained as he continues thrusting into her gently.

His eyes never leave her face. He doesn't seem to mind going at a slow pace but there is tension on his face as begins to break out into a sweat.

Surprisingly, small spikes of pleasure start to build in her core but it is overpowered by the pain that comes with it. Wrapping her legs around his waist, Historia urges him to move faster, wanting him to reach his peak.

Eren picks up the pace as he starts to thrust in and out of her at a faster pace now. He is groaning silently as he drops his head into her neck lost in his own pleasure. 

If possible it feels like Eren grew even harder inside her. His thrust comes more unhinged now. His pants come faster. He thrust deeper than before.

Eren tenses with a deep groan, then he shudders and Historia can feel him expand even further inside her, filling her up as he bucks against her a few more times. 

He stops moving now and falls lax against her body, his lips against her throat. Historia welcomes his weight on her as she runs her hand through his hair. His body is trembling uncontrollably against hers as he calms down from his orgasm. The shaking of his body just continues, even as he just lays there with his resting against her chest.

She can feel him softening inside her and she breathes a sigh of contempt and relief.

Finally he shifts a little, pulling out of her and laying back down on the bed. He turns to look at her, searching her expression.

He brushes her hair away from her sweaty face. "Are you okay?" He asks, a bit worried.

"A little sore, but I'll be fine" Historia says as she lays on her back on the bed 

As she moved her legs again, she felt something trickling out of her and shifted uncomfortably. Eren notices her state as well. 

“I’ll get a washcloth.” He says and gets out of bed, heading towards the washroom.

It feels cold without him. She sits up and looks between her legs. Her eyes widen at the state she is in. There is a lot of blood smeared on her thighs but luckily not much got on the duvet cover. 

Eren returns to Historia and kneels on the bed beside her. He must have cleaned himself in the washroom because there isn't any blood on him. 

“There’s a lot more than I expected there would be.” She says with embarrassment. Eren nudges her thighs apart and presses a warm washcloth against her, cleaning her.

It's somewhat sweet of him, even if it's a little embarrassing for him to be the one to do it. The fact that It seems right is what worries her the most. 

"I'm sorry I hurt you Historia.” he says quietly. He pulls the washcloth away from her once she is clean and leaves it in the laundry basket in the washroom before returning to her. 

He waits at the side of the bed, not getting any closer. Part of her thinks that he is trying to put some distance between them, both mentally and Physically.

Tonight was much more of an emotional affair than she thought it would be. She had thought that they could just do it and forget about it. Go back to the way things were before. What a foolish notion that was. 

The intimacy they shared tonight has forever changed their relationship. Now when she looks at him, she will remember the care and gentleness he showed her. She will remember the feeling for him inside her. Its a bond they now share, a secret for just the two of them. 

She doesn't know how Eren feels about it but for Historia, in just one night everything has changed. All the feelings she had held back, the feelings she never let herself feel came flooding to her. Her emotions have shifted and she doesn't know if she can keep the promise she made to him.

He is still standing at the edge of the bed. Just looking at her. Perhaps deciding what to say. Is he overwhelmed by what they shared as well? "Do you want me to leave?" 

That was not what she was expecting him to say "Please…. don't." She doenst what him to go 

"I know I shouldn't ask you for this but I don't want to be alone tonight, not after... Please just stay for tonight."

Erens eyes soften at her words, Historia wished she knew what he was thinking. He is no longer the open book he used to be. "If that's what you need, then ill stay...for tonight"

She gets under the covers and moves over, making a space for him. He is unsure, she can see that but he does climb in after her.

Historia closes the distance between them and moves so that are skin to skin again. She is still very uncertain but she just wants to be close to him, even if it only for toningt.

"Is this okay?" Historia asks, laying her head against his chest. She doesn't want to overstep her boundaries.

"It's okay Historia, just get some rest. I will still be here when you wake up in the morning." And she does, falling asleep listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart. Just for tonight.

"Good night Eren." It's the last thing she says before she drifts off.

***

He doesn't keep his word because when Historia wakes up the next morning Eren is gone leaving behind only a single note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Theory
> 
> What if Eren is still in Paradis and he had been there the entire time. He could have been in a crystal this entire time underground and awakened only when Zeke died. He already knew when zeke would die. Historias baby most likely has already inherited the beast titan since it goes to the most recently born baby after a shifter dies. So in chapter 138 we will most likely see Eren go to Historia or she will come to him with the baby. He will either start the rumbling again or maybe he has a different plan altogether. This will also explain why eren went to liberio and started this war so early. He needed the Warhammer titan. That was his objective all along. That is why he left Reiner alive when he really could have gone back into his Titan and killed him. Instead he let Mikasa sweep him away.
> 
> Also I tried a different writing style for his chapter. This one is done in 3rd person, while the first two were in 1st person. Let me know which one you like better.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

A sense of dread fills her as the carriage pulls up to the entrance of the palace. The large foreboding building was mocking her as it came into view.

Summoned to the capital like the puppet she is. 

Welcome home. 

This place has never been her home. She knows she doesn't belong here and the people inhabiting the large palace knows she doesn't belong here either. 

She might be the peoples queen, but here she has no real power. Her job is to just sit pretty and do as she is told. Be seen but not heard. She is at their mercy. No control and no freedom. 

She hates it. She hates them. This is not what she wanted. Even when her father was alive, she never, not once, wanted to be the queen. 

Back then her desires were simple. She wanted a family. She wanted to be loved, to be cared for, to be someone of importance, even if it was just to one person. And she did find that. With Ymir, with the rest of her friends, with Eren. And once again, she was the one who had to sacrifice the only thing that made her happy.

All she has ever wanted was to be just a Normal Girl. She had that once. When she was hiding out with Eren, just that once. He gave her that freedom, a normal girl he called her. She didn't think she had ever been that happy. That's all she wanted, to have a quiet normal life. 

But that is all over now. She will never be normal. She will never be free of the chaos of her people. Those old bastards waiting for her in the war room will never let her be free. She is their puppet and they will never let her forget it. 

But their time will be coming soon. The higher ups are the true villains in this chapter of the story. They line their pockets at the expense of the common people of this island. Money that should be used to feed the homeless, to cater for the ill and to teach the youth, are going straight to their personal funds. 

She might be an illegitimate child, low born they call her behind her back, but she does know a thing or two about politics. She had made it her mission to learn. If she was going to be the queen then she was not going to do it blindly. 

These corrupt dealings within her palace do not go unnoticed by her but for now she just has to bide her time. Their time is coming and soon it will be time for a new rule. Out with the old and in with the new. Her kingdom will be the better for it. 

The crowd clapped loudly as she exited the carriage, and she knew they were all wondering how long the peace would last. If it would last long enough to get through winter, to rebuild their homes and their families. Long enough to reestablish law and order. Long enough to truly be free.

The walk up to the Queens chambers is a long one. Maids, butlers and courteesions alike bow to her as he passes them. A sign of respect, yet she cannot tell who is being true and who is holding up a facade in her presence. 

There are some who are genuine, she knows that. Some who believe in her and some trust her and for that she is grateful. Those were the people who supported her with all her new policies put in place to help the people.

They will all be here today. Politician, Nobles, the representatives from Hizuuru and most importantly to her, her friend at the survey corps. 

He will be there too, Eren. He is the main key to this meeting. Their not so secret weapon. Their titan. To them, that is all he is. Their property. 

She hasn't seen him since that night two weeks ago. She can't lie, she was hurt that he just left her the morning after they spent the night together with only a note saying that he would see her soon. 

He used the excuse of not wanting to be caught, but she knew that was said only for her benefit. The truth is he was trying to put some distance between them. Physically and Emotionally.

Did he really think that the one time would be enough? Hardly. She will only know for sure when it's time for her next cycle but she the likelihood of her conceiving on the very first try is slim. Fact is that they should probably do it at least once more before then. 

She can admit that she is upset with him, she knows what she told him, that it won't mean anything, that they could go back to the way things were before but now things are different.

She is starting to have feelings like she has never experienced before. A desire some would frown upon a woman having. Feelings she would never admit to him nor anybody else in the light of day.

She knows that if she keeps allowing herself to be pulled in, when it is all done she will be left broken. And this time Eren won't be there to put those shattered pieces back together again. 

Historia doesn't want to think about it any longer. Turning her attention to the open archway connecting her bedroom to the extravagant bathroom, she is relieved to see her lady's maids preparing her bath water. All she wants to do is wash away all her troubles.

Undressing and stepping into the scalding jasmine scented water was as reprieve Historia really needed. 

The maids get to work, scrubbing and polishing her skin. She can only imagine how horrified they might have been had they seen her two weeks ago. Her neck, wrists and hips scattered with red marking from Erens desire. 

She was shocked herself when she first noticed the state she was in. Although she didn't feel any pain, her body looked like she had been through quite the brazen ordeal. Her core clenches at just the memories of it. 

Placing her hands on her flat belly under the water she can't help but wonder if there is already a little life growing inside her. 

What will she look like? Would it even be a She? If she were to be honest she would love to have a little girl to care for and shower with love. Now that the possibility is real, Historia cannot wait to meet the little angel. 

She runs her hands across her belly, cradling it protectively all the while looking down at herself in wonder.

"Are you in there little one?" For the first time in a long time Historia will have someone who she can truly call family. 

"Don't worry, momma and papa will keep you safe. I can't wait to meet you." 

****

"Your Majesty!" Sasha's excited voice breaks through the room pulling Historias attention towards her. The rest of their friends are not far behind her.

She can't help the huge smile that beams on her face as she pulls Sasha into a hug "Stop that, you know you don't need to call me that."

"We missed you Historia." This comes from Connie who is smiling widely at her. The rest of her friends also give her the same sentiments. 

She can't help the small hint of guilt that plagues her as she looks at Mikasa who gives her a small smile.

Looking at them, she notices that everyone else is here as well, Jean, Hange, Armin and Even Floch. She does not see Captain Levi yet, nor Eren but she knows they are here as well.

As though hearing her thoughts, the two of them walk in behind the group making their way towards her. 

They come to stand in front of her, both of them giving her a bow "Your Majesty" 

Looking at Levi she gives him a polite smile "Captain." The Squad leader hasn't changed much in the Time Historia had last seen him. Levi and her have actually become very close over the last few years, working closely together to save all those kids that need their help in the underground City. Kids like Levi used to be. 

Turning her head from Levi to the man standing at his side, Historia composes herself.

"Eren" unlike with Levi, Historia's gaze does not linger on him, infact she barely even spares him a glance not really ready to face the consequences of their actions yet. To the others it may seem like she is treating Eren quite coldly.

"Right, we should all be getting in there then." Commander Hange says, saving them from what Historia is sure would have turned into a very awkward atmosphere.

The meeting begins not long after everyone arrives and takes their seats. Supreme commander Zackary is leading the charge along with the Hizuuru representative. 

Soon Hizuuru will assist Paradis in their first expedition off the Island. This will be their first reconnaissance mission of the nation of Marley. And Historia's friends will be the ones to lead in this breakthrough. 

But while the Corps and the Paradis Military division may believe this is a simple, straightforward plan on their parts, Eren has other Ideas.

He hasn't told her Exactly what he plans to do but she knows that he does have his own agenda in going to Marley and meeting with Zeke. 

Eren is avoiding giving her more information than she needs, not wanting to burden her with his future sins and Historia somewhat prefers it that way. She will put her full trust in him blindly. 

She looks towards him and catches his eyes. Eren has been staring at her and when she catches him his eyes soften. 'What are you thinking Eren'

Unbeknownst to them, their interaction doesn't go unnoticed, as Armin narrows his eyes in confusion looking between the two of them. 

They continue to play this cat and mouse game throughout the entire meeting, confusing Historia even more than she had already been.

That night at supper with her former teammates, all of them are laughing, joking and enjoying spending time all together after many months. It was almost like they were back in the past.

She didn't look at Eren when they all took their seats. She was sitting at the head of the table while the others surrounded her but she couldn't remove this new tension that had seemed to develop between Eren and her. 

All the others were clueless to the atmosphere the two of them created thankfully, but between Eren and herself there was an electrifying pull that the two of them were very aware of.

His heated stare sending chills all over her body making it impossible for her to concentrate on the topics at hand.

Zachary's voice drones on about their progress on the railroads and their ongoing contracts with Hizuuru. He wasn't exactly invited to stay for dinner like her friends but he took it upon himself to invite himself much to everyone dismay. 

After they had finished their tactical meeting regarding the process of Eldia's restoration, Historia had invited her friends to spend the remainder of their stay in the capital at the palace. They have plenty of room for all of them and if she is being honest she just wanted to be close to all of them. When she is apart from them, she is always at her loneliest.

Eren stared at her for a long time, and she was very aware of the green eyes studying her face. She fought desperately to hide her grimace, hoping nobody else would notice. 

Unable to stand it any longer, Historia casts her eyes to his and it's like their whole world collides. His eyes are like the depths of the caverns, pulling her in. She can't look away.

Neither of them are focused on the conversations going on around them. No right now they only see each other. Eren has a somewhat remorseful look on his face, as though he knows that she was hurt by his actions but Historia ignores it.

They might not be in a 'real' relationship but as a woman who gave her first time to him she did expect some measure of respect from him. Leaving her naked and alone in the cabin to wake up to cold sheets was cruel on his part. It made her feel like no more than a triumphant Lady of Pleasure. A mistress. A Whore. 

Maybe she is overreacting but it hits too close to home considering the circumstances of her birth. Is this how her mother had felt? Is this why she hated her? 

She can see his hopelessness from her seat. He looks tired and things are only going to get worse from here on out. Paradis will soon be conducting their expedition off the island and therein lies the start of Eren's secret Plan. 

Life will not be as peaceful as these past 3 years have been once this mission begins and Historia is terrified of the outcome.  
She is terrified for him. 

She cannot help but lock eyes with him again, her eyes finally softening as she gazes upon his face. For how long will she be able to do it. 

She is not sure why but her eyes move from Eren to the current commander of the survey corps and her face starts to heat up. Commander Hange is looking directly at her with a curious look. She moves eyes between Eren and herself as though she is trying to figure something out. 

Eren has an odd look on his face too as he spares Hange a glance. Historia looks away from the both of them not wanting to get caught up in this weird game. 

She continues to eat and just focuses on spending time with her friends, ignoring Eren once again. She has missed out on a lot of things while she has been stuck in the castle, and with every recount they give her she can't help but wish she was put there with them. 

She looks at Mikasa and her guilt starts to bubble up again as Historia watches how she fusses over Eren. She is mothering him as Eren used to say.

What will her reaction be like when she finds out about the baby? When her child is actually born? Would Mikasa despise her child? The thought does not sit well with Historia. 

No matter the circumstances she can't bear the thought that her baby would grow up the way she did. Unloved, Hated. Even just the thought was unbearable. 

The night goes on easily. At this point almost everyone is drunk. Everyone except Historia. At the off chance that the one time was in fact enough for her to conceive, she didn't want to risk it. 

It surprises her how her entire world already revolves around this child. The maternal love is overwhelming and it terrifies her. Is it the same for him as well? 

His eyes are on her again. She knows he is confused about her behavior, if she were to be honest, it confuses her as well. She doesn't know why but she can't help how she feels..

Feeling overwhelmed she excuses herself from the rest of the group. She needs time to think. Her eyes filled with tears as she walked through the empty corridor into the Queens drawing room. She felt awful. She was putting all of them through so much yet they didn't even know it yet. 

She walks to the window, not bothering to even turn on the lights in the room. So much is happening all at once and she doesn't know how to cope with it all. This vulnerability she feels scares her. 

She turns around on reflex hearing a jarring noise behind her. She is surprised to see Eren standing behind her. He is standing outside the room in the empty hallway just staring at her.

She doesn't make a move. They both just stand there in silence, looking at each other not knowing what to say. What does she say to the man she had given herself to not even two weeks prior? 

She chanced a glance back his way. Finally after avoiding him for the entire day she really looks at him, taking him all in. He was wearing the usual pair of dark trousers and his matching survey corps coat, its top two buttons left open. 

Historia also noted the dark shadows underneath his eyes. He looked exhausted and it leaves her feeling a slight pang of concern at his weary appearance.

"What are you doing here? What if somebody sees you?" She says frantically as he pulls him through the corridor and into her drawing room shutting the door behind them.

He merely stand for a moment, her arm still gripped in his, not saying anything to her 

"Are we just going to stand here in the dark?" 

His voice surprised her as she made her way to the lighting panel at the side of the room. Historia's mind raced as she began to illuminate the room. Why was he here?

"I'll ask again, why are you here?"

Eren stared at her for a moment longer, before releasing her arm from his grip. "I needed to see you," he murmured.

"So you just followed me here? That was careless of you. What was the point of us sneaking around if you are just going to openly follow me around the palace!"

"I was careful, not that anybody would notice much anyway. Your guards are really not up to standard" He says 

"That's not the point." She was irritated with him. When had he become so obnoxious?

"Why are you so angry? Even if we are caught here we can easily play it off as catching up with an old friend, since most of the scouts are at the capital." He raises an eyebrow at her, like she is the one who is acting out of character. 

"I'm not angry." Historia replied, sarcasm oozing from her voice

"Yes you are. You Haven't even looked at me once today."

"I just… I don't know how to process all of these new feelings."

"I don't understand. I told you how this needs to be." 

She sighs, she doesn't want to be angry at him because the truth is he didn't do anything wrong. Him leaving is not what is truly bothering her, it's how she felt when he was gone. She didn't want to have these feelings.

"You are right… I just… that night… you just left" Her speech is broken as she is unable to put into words what she is feeling.

He seemed to understand what she meant as he bowed his head, disappointed that she brought it up in the first place. She wishes they just pretend none of this happened.

"Historia, you know what this is…" his words cut off, not sure if he should say more. 

"We had a deal. I should not have spent the night in the first place. This cannot be more than it already is." His voice is cold as he says it tearing at Historias heart. 

Historia just looks at The Eren, feeling hurt. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes and she blinked Trying to control her emotions. She doesn't know why his words are affecting her so much. She knew all along that they cannot not cross that line but she can't help the hurt she feels.

A bitter smile comes across her face, "Right, you are Right…" she repeated in a low whisper.

There was a tense silence that fell over them, both of them unsure where to go from here. 

She knows she is not in love with him. And he doesn't love her but the change that happened in their relationship that is confusing her so much, is the fact that she wants to feel that intimacy that she has been missing all her life. The intimacy she had with Eren that night.

He has awoken a need in her that she cannot satisfy herself. Just one taste of it and she wanted more.

That feeling of having someone being a part of her. The bond of not being ashamed of truly being themselves in front of the other. 

To be able to have the desires of a woman without being shamed for it.

It felt like freedom and it is addicting to her. She didn't want it too but the way she looked at him had changed rapidly. Looking at him was tempting for her. 

Historia wanted nothing more than for Eren to leave the room, but at the same time she doesn't want him to go just yet.

She supposed it was some selfish part of her leading her actions once again, and it left her conflicted about what to do next. 

The fact is they should sleep together Once more at least before the month is over. The silence between them is tense and Historia decides she needs to break it and say what she needs to to Eren tonight. 

There was a seriousness that hung in the air. "You are right." she admitted again before taking in a deep breath, ready to say what she needs too.

"I shouldn't have asked you to stay… but I was feeling Vulnerable and I wanted comfort and you are my friend Eren. This might be a deal but I care about you, same as I do with all our other friends." Her voice is small reflecting how unsure she truly is.

"I know I don't need more than your body for this, and I know I coerced you into this but I still expected… I don't know."

"Historia... " he trails off, his voice low.

"You know I care about you too. You are one of the reasons I'm doing all of this. To protect you, to protect our friends… but we cannot let this become more than it needs to be. You deserve so much more than this. I wish I could give you more than this but I can't and you know why." 

She can feel his pain, for the first time that night she truly sees him. His eyes hold the burden of his fate and she knows he is right. He can't give her what she wants. Erens path has already been set. 

A tear escapes her eye. Soon he will be gone. He will never watch their baby grow. Never teach them their necessary life skills, and will never be able to give them the love she knows he wants to.

He would never be able to give her what she craves. 

More tears escape her eyes and she finds herself pressed against his firm chest as his arms wrap around her. 

"Eren"

"I'm sorry Historia. But this is all we can be." 

Historia held back a sigh as Eren continued to watch her with a sad knowing look. He stared softly as he reached one hand up to wipe away her tears. 

He looks at her intently, longingly. Both of them are buried under the burden of things they could never have. She can't take her eyes off him. His eyes, his lips. Right now all she wants is to forget. She wants to be lost in him and feel that comfort.

Even though it was obvious that their minds were not in the right place, all she wanted to feel was his lips on hers.

And she knows that he is thinking the same.

Because he was already leaning in.

Tightening his arms around her pulling her closer to him he presses his lips against hers firmly.

This kiss was not like the ones they shared before, it was like he didn't have the discipline required to ever deny her for even a second.

For a moment she tenses in response, shocked by his actions. She didn't know what to do, but eventually gave a sigh and frantically returned the kiss.

Her hands rested on his chest for a moment before she moved her hand over his shoulder and around the back of his neck as she fell deeper into the kiss. The kiss was intense but filled with confusion and uncertainty.

Their lips met over and over again, and for a split second Eren pulled back and opened his eyes to look at her. 

Perhaps he is checking to make sure that he hadn't crossed any boundaries or to make sure this is what she wants too.

There was a moment where neither of them moved, they simply stood in each other's close embrace in question.

Historia wasn't sure who even moved first after that, but their lips were hungrily pressed together in the next moment, not so subtle or hesitant, and no longer gentle as though they were both equally as desperate to have a small piece of the other.

He ran his hands up her back, across the fabric covering her body. He knew what lay beneath it. He is the only one that has been allowed that privilege. 

He had once been so intentionally, cautiously touching her there, kissing her there and Historia wishes to feel that again.

She gave the smallest of moans, a breathy and sensual exhale, her bottom lip was pulled through his teeth

As he pulled her plump bottom lip between his, his hands now running over her shoulders, his thumb drew mindless patterns against her covered skin.

It's the moment when he starts to reach for the zipper on her dress that reality starts to hit her again.

She pulls away for a moment, her lips slightly swollen from his kiss as she breathes heavily in attempts to catch her breath. 

She looked up toward him with half lidded eyes, her mouth just slightly open as she panted from the lack of air and the sheer rush from their passionate acts. 

He tries to kiss her again but Historia takes a step back putting some distance between them both physically and Emotionally.

"Eren stop."

He immediately pulled his hands off from her and took a considerable step back, and she mentally chided herself.

She is ashamed that for even a moment, she had gotten careless and allowed her desires to take over her so effortlessly. 

They had just had a conversation on why this would not be a good idea. Why they needed to keep this as technical as they could but she couldn't deny herself, couldn't deny him. What she seeks from him now is not just a duty to conceive but she wants pleasure. She wants him to pleasure her like he had done that night. 

But she knows it's wrong.

His own breathing was heavy and he looked toward Historia with narrowed, hard eyes as he forced control over himself before he did something he neither of them could recover from.

Her voice was quiet, but certain, "You should go."

Eren pressed his lips together, weary by the obvious rift caused by the interaction tonight, but unable to find the right words to say to her. 

Historia watched him with hard eyes that left little room for discussion.

"…Right." He walked toward the end of the room, opening the door and walking out quietly, turning slightly as he closed the door behind himself as he stole one last glance toward her on his way out. 

The weight of all that had happened hung over them like a dark shroud. It was for the best, she knew, though the unease in her stomach and the pain in her chest would linger for some time. Would she ever be able to look at him again without feeling like this?

This is for the best.


End file.
